Leakhena and Ryan
A Development of Self - An interview with a Khmer woman who is struggling to find the balance between Cambodian culture, customs, traditions, her own personal identity, and the role they play in determining her future.
By PCV Ryan McCabe
On this typical hot Cambodian day (and it was only 9:00am), I found myself biking ten kilometers to the next town over to meet with one of my co-teachers. I had asked her the previous day if I could ask her a few questions about being a woman in Cambodia. Being on the Peace Corps Cambodia Diversity Committee, I was interested in finding out more about female gender roles and being “sopee-up” (polite, gentle, feminine) and was also asked by our WID/GAD committee to spotlight her in an article because of her participation and community involvement. So, after a thirty-minute bike ride, I arrived at her family’s home in a place that is familiar to many Peace Corps volunteers (the K6 ETTT volunteers did their two months of training here) and has become a second home for me. When I have free time, I make my way here and visit the many families who have impacted my volunteer service so far and become rejuvenated and refreshed from their warmhearted hospitality and friendliness.
But today, I head straight for Soth Leakhena’s house and upon arrival, am greeted with various snacks and a smile. We quickly catch up and then jump right into the interview. In the beginning, I could sense that she was a little nervous talking to me but after ten minutes, her anxiety diminished and I saw a powerful and strong woman sitting in front of me. This interview offered me so much more insight than I ever expected and I would just like to take a moment to thank Leakhena for discussing such a personal topic with me. I hope all of you reading this gain a better understanding of what life is like in different cultures and the difficulties that surround women in Cambodia when forming their identities and working to develop not only their communities, but their country as well.
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Leakhena was born on January 17th, 1983 and has two sisters and three brothers. Being born after the Khmer Rouge, she mentioned, “Before, I heard from my parents, they had to do everything on one dish of rice porridge. If you steal, you betray the organization, you would be killed; very cruel. [They] beat babies against palm trees, kill the people with higher ability: nurses, doctors, teachers, monks. Kill them with cruel activity. We lost a lot of higher knowledge people. Now the people have higher knowledge the same, but for the 35 years, Khmer people suffer from bad situation of Khmer Rouge. But Prime Minister Hun Sen saved the people from the bad situation, and developed the country… now we can all work to develop the country.”
And work to develop the country she does. With activities related to gender and youth development, she mentioned that she joins “all the activities that make the other women to be active and show their ideas in society; to have confidence and talk about what they want to do so they can have the confidence to do what the other women do and what men do. Joining the activities helps society and is something that helps the other villages and communities, and we learn we can use our ability to overcome obstacles that we are faced with.”
She is actively engaged in the Cambodian Children and Youth Council, Scouts, Red Cross, and the Federation Union of Cambodian Youth. When I asked her why it is important for her to be active in her community, she said she wanted to “…help the school to be developed and encourage other teachers and students to join in activities to help the community and to help themselves. We can build their confidence and lead in development and help other people.”
With the Scouts and Cambodian Red Cross, she works with students in the high school to rebuild houses in villages and clean the rubbish in the community. Working for Federation Union of Cambodian Youth, she goes “…with other community members to go to visit people in the village and ask them what problems they have, and during Khmer New Year I join activities in Angkor Wat to encourage tourists to join in, play, and participate in traditional games and teach them about Cambodian culture.” In her free time, she also teaches the older people in the community English at the high school and also volunteers for the Cambodian Peoples Party (CPP) “…to teach the people how the CPP helped the country with development, but not to persuade them, because it is their right to choose the member they wish to choose.”
She also volunteers for the National Democratic Organization (NDO). Through this organization, Leakhena visits members of rural communities within the district to discuss and find solutions for community obstacles or dilemmas. For example, one village she travelled to “had little access to clean water and had many problems with their road conditions. I helped arrange a meeting that brought together the village members and their local government representatives.” This gave an opportunity for the community members and their representative to collectively work out a solution and address any challenges or setbacks they might encounter. With Lehkana’s help, they were able to build a pond and fix the damaged roads.
Not only is she working to develop her community, she also said, “I have developed myself a lot, to pass the exam to be a teacher and also teach private classes and help my community.” Initially, Leakhena passed the junior high school exam to teach Khmer Literature and proceeded to study English for four years and in 2009, passed the exam to be a high school teacher and now teaches grades 10-12.
When talking about the youth in Cambodia, I asked her what sort of challenges they face nowadays. She mentioned that “some students in Phnom Penh have the ability to apply for jobs,” but others “even though the have higher ability, it is difficult for them to find a job. They do not have any relatives to work for or any connections. Because Cambodia is a developing country, even when students finish school, it is very hard for them to find a job.” Leakhena goes on to say that women have a more difficult time because they “do not have enough rights to find a job, to make their own ideas, because in society it is looked down upon, especially in the rural areas. In the rural areas, people do not have the same opportunities to join in [workshops] or activities like those in the city. They can know the information now [about furthering their education and scholarships], but they do not understand the obstacles ahead because they are poor and do not have the proper resources. They need to learn to develop themselves so they can succeed over the obstacles.”
I asked her to explain further about the obstacles and give examples from her own experience. She went on to explain, “some people have lower ability, and those people with higher ability look down on them. In the past, some were afraid to stand up against the injustice against them because they were afraid of the higher authority. These days, it is similar, but people are developing themselves.”
“For women, before they thought that women could only cook food for the man, and only get married and have children and do not have the same rights to learn as a man. They lacked confidence to do anything. After learning about the situation in the country, equal rights with the men, the women can do activities like the men; teaching, becoming a doctor, no prejudice like before. But women, when they want to have higher education or higher job, when they continue their study, how do they find people to look after their children and their family. Their husband does not want them to continue their education; he is in charge of the family. He can become jealous if she has higher knowledge and becomes afraid. So he keeps the women in the family and has her work a suitable job. [The women] hide their ability to do more, they are already married and so they think they do not want to find another job to support themselves. Sometimes the women want to do the other job that is difficult for them to do, like a plumber, but they cannot. [It is] not the same as America.”
“Before, I wanted to continue my studies and pass my scholarships to study in other countries, but other people say, “You are a women, you need to stop your activities and make a family.” “No,” I tell them. I want to achieve my ambitions of understanding knowledge from the world. So I compete with other people, I do not know how to develop myself. They want me to stop because I am a high school teacher and that is where I should stop. In Cambodian culture, I am very old. I am thirty, and people tell me I need to get married.”
I then asked her about her family and whether or not they support her decision to hold off on having a family. She first mentioned her mother, saying, “Whatever I decide, she agrees with me. All mothers want their daughters to get married, but she respects my decision and agrees with what I decide.” When I asked about the pressure she receives from her co-workers she said, “Most of the teachers do not support us, we [female teachers] support ourselves. Some teachers say that I should keep studying but a lot tell me to get married. When they tell me, I am so sad. ‘You should get married, you should get married, you are old,’ but I say I want to be alone.”
Acquiring a better understanding of the daily struggles and hardships that my co teacher, my friend, has to face, I begin to realize how difficult this must be for her to talk about. Our conversation halts briefly, and I begin to wonder how it is that someone overcomes the adversity that she has faced. Pushing the conversation further, I ask her what she turns to for stability to get her through tough times. She goes on to explain, “To get through difficult times, I pray to the Buddha and the other gods to help me have confidence, to succeed. I put my mind to be full, I do not think a lot, just make my feeling to be happy, to make me have a fresh mind, then I can succeed it. When I cry, I ask myself, ‘Why did I not succeed? Why did I not get anything I want?’ and try to find a good opportunity to make my life better. I try to be happy and try to have hope in my mind. God cannot help us when we can do for ourselves, he will help us when we strive to better ourselves. So when I have some difficulties, I always imagine why the situation went bad like that. And I think, ‘Oh, because of my mistakes.’ When we do not have much confidence, we do not know how to do or how to go, so we do everything randomly. So if we want to succeed, we have to prepare a plan and have the confidence to continue. I also ask the older people for advice and read books.”
“I only tell people a lot of things that are true about myself and share my difficulties so together we can learn from each other, and forgive each other, and be honest and work together. I do everything that I can do to talk about my character, I want to learn my shortages and show what I want to do, and try to solve problems together so people can get to know each other and be friendly. I especially want the other people to know me. I want to help them. I want to work actively together and do anything to open my mind. I like to be honest. I also like playing jokes. I like laughing a lot. I want other people around me to be happy, so we can all see the beautiful world together. I especially want people that know me to have hope in their mind, because when we have hope and smile a lot, we will be happy and have good luck.”
I asked what advice she would give to the youth of Cambodia and she stated, “I would like to say to them that they are younger and have a lot of opportunities to improve themselves, to learn a lot and gain a lot of knowledge. Learn English or another language to make yourself competitive and learn to show your opinion. Find methods to achieve what you want to do.” She asks them, “to be clever and be good students; no drugs, drive careful on the road…” and encourages them to “do something for themselves, their family, and their community. Be good citizens and don’t take the bad road but improve each other’s lives. Be happy and share knowledge with each other.”
She wants to emphasize to the youth who struggle in school that “you have the same things that other people have. When I have a poor student or a weak student, they think they cannot learn to be intelligent, but I say, ‘You can do it. You have to try hard and figure out [a solution]. Do everything to support yourself to gain knowledge.’ They say, ‘I am weaker.’ And then I ask them how they do their work. When they go home, they do not play a lot of value on their weakness to figure out why they are weak; to be better, you have to learn a lot about yourself and improve [your weaknesses] and catch the opportunity to improve yourself, to gain confidence… By trying hard, they can overcome obstacles and get to where they want to go.”
When asked if she had any advice for the female youth in particular, she suggested that they “do not think about marriage. They have to go through a lot of obstacles and continue their studies and pursue what they love. They should help their family, other students, their community, and protect the culture of Cambodia. Be both soft and strict to help develop the country. Decide what they want to do and don’t let what others want them to do decide for them.” She wants to tell them, “You can do everything that the other people do.” She does not want the female youth to focus too much on the disparities or obstacles they might face, but instead “try to be happy. Don’t think about the bad situation, but you have to try and work hard and share information with each other to improve our society.”
The chickens rustle around our table in search of their next meal, fighting over what looks like extra rice that had fallen to the ground from the morning’s meal. Leakhena’s younger sister swings in the hammock next to us, quietly listening to our conversation. As we sit in silence, contemplating the interview in it’s entirety, I am reminded how different this culture and country is from the one I was born and raised in. I then ask Leakhena what her favorite thing about her country is, and she lists, “Going shopping, reading books, successful books like TEFOL and history. I like the situation of our weather. Cambodian weather is very good. We do not have bad storms or disasters like Cambodia’s past does. I like Cambodian culture too, Cambodian people and Khmer food. I like the temples, very patriotic. I like the art, the customs, traditions; our culture: like the greeting, very respectful. I like going for a walk, going to the beach to get fresh air on the sea, to see the forest. Singing a song.”
Leakhena, I must add, has a beautiful singing voice. I had the opportunity to listen to it once when her team lost in one of our English classroom games (believe me, I have lost plenty of times and had to sing many more times then she has had too). We laugh remembering the entertainment we both have had at the expense of each other’s embarrassment; a perfect end to an eye-opening interview. Her mother, on her way to volunteer at the local community health center, walks towards us and I get a sense of where Leakhena gets her strength and confidence from. “Do you think I will be able to interview your mom next?” I ask with eagerness.
An interview for another time.
Thank you again Leakhena. You are going to impact so many people and have already made an impact and a big difference in your community. Thank you for all of your hard work and for inspiring your students and the youth in Cambodia.
If you have any further questions for Leakhena or any comments, please feel free to email me at ryan.j.mccabe1@gmial.com
I had the students play a spoon game. In this game, they close their eyes and spin 10 or 20 times to get dizzy. Then I ask them to walk a straight line balancing an egg on a spoon. The idea is to illustrate how alcohol alters our consciousness and coordination preventing us from doing tasks we normally can do effortlessly. The boys loved this, and they easily made the connection on their own to driving drunk. Road accidents are the number one killer in Cambodia, and alcohol accounts for more than half of traffic fatalities.
My presentation concluded with having the boys write a list of all the things they think they are good at. Anything could be on their list. Then I divided the boys into smaller groups, and had them create lists of things that they could do better together as a group. After the groups presented their lists, I guided them to see that as individuals, they have many strengths, and as a group, they have even greater strength to accomplish things in their lives. The intent was to foster greater confidence and self esteem, two qualities important to combating peer pressure. We finished with a discussion of peer pressure and its role in the abuse of alcohol.
